A Birth Mom’s Update: Finding Peace After a Safe Haven Baby Box Surrender

I surrendered my baby in a baby box. It’s been awhile since then and I just wanted to give you a bit of an update on me because it’s been very heavy on my mind lately. I think I am finally at peace with my decision. I went to counseling and talked with other women who have been in the same situation I’m in. I just have to say thank you. Because of you, my baby is being loved by a family who is going to be able to provide in a way I cannot. I’ve felt so much guilt because I couldn’t be the one to raise my child and to be able to provide. But I realized that my baby deserved better.

 See, I found out I was pregnant with my baby very early on, I wanna say around 4 weeks. And for those 9 months, I was terrified. I was freshly 18, in a very abusive relationship with my baby’s father, I didn’t have support from my family. So I was stuck. And I’m not going to lie, I thought about getting an abortion at first but something in my mind told me not to, so when it got to the point where it was too late, I decided to see what my options were. 

I went to the women’s center and had a free ultrasound done, and I remember how overwhelmed I was with emotions when I saw my baby. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to take care of my baby, but I needed someone who could. That’s when I found out about the Safe Haven Baby Box. I did so much research on them, I watched all your TikTok videos about them, and I just knew that would be the best option. When it came time to give birth, I was way too scared to go to the hospital due to not wanting my baby’s father finding out, so therefore I decided to give birth at home when he was gone. I remember giving birth around 4 AM, I felt the sense of relief and guilt at the same time. I knew I only had hours to spend with my baby before the surrender. So I made sure to spend every moment I could loving my baby. I swaddled my baby and sung to my baby until we fell asleep for a few hours. When it came time to go to the baby box, I sat in my car in the parking lot next to the firehouse for about an hour just sobbing. 

I was so scared to make that decision and put my baby in that box because I love my baby so much and my baby means the world to me, but I knew I had too. 

So when I did, I felt this sense of relief. Because not only did I know my baby was gonna be taken care of, I knew that my baby was gonna be loved so deeply by a new family. A family that was gonna provide a safe environment, something that I did not have at the time. Even though, I only knew my baby for hours before I surrendered, my baby has made me into the person I am today. 

I am now out of an abusive relationship, I’m graduating nursing school! I got my own place, and I’ve just generally made better decisions in my life. So thank you again Monica. Thank you for creating the Safe Haven Baby Boxes, because they do change lives. Not only for babies, but for the mothers too.